i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
