Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
