we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
