Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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