Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
