hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
