Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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