I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize