i just google imaged poop.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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