I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize