sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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