If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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