So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
