So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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