True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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