Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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