You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
