I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
