and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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