remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
