OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
