Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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