My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
