Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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