he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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