I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
