New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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