So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we're making bets on your personal life
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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