he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
