I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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