i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I know her cup size but not her name....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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