I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
