The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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