when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
