I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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