Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
