Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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