dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
