I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
