hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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