i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
