Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
