I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize