She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
