you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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