Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Randomize
