I forgot how hot balto sounded
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
