Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
