I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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