I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
