My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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