im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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