That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
