We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
