he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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