stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
