If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're like the curious george of whores
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
