A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
