my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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